You have a creeping suspicion she’s seeing someone else. Here’s how to conduct an interview that will make her divulge the truth.
• Work from a “zero behavioral baseline,”. In other words, look for sudden deviations in her usual conduct: a new hairstyle and clothes, more concern with hygiene and fitness, prolonged absences, less interest in sex.
• If enough signs exist, set a trap. Buy two romantic cards that are exactly the same. Send one to her at work, unsigned. If she’s having an affair, she won’t mention it, because she won’t know who sent it.
• Now “play” the second card. Tell her you need to talk. Make sure it’s after dark, because it’ll make her feel more relaxed.Sit at a table on which you previously placed the second card. Don’t make it too obvious, but be sure she notices it. This is called “introducing a stressor.”
• Don’t confront her with the card. Instead, look in her eyes and ask, “Are you having an affair?” Study what she does next. If she repeats the question, drops her eyes, looks away, folds her arms, licks her lips, crosses her legs, or picks some invisible lint off her clothing, she’s stalling and is probably guilty. It’s time to go in stronger.
• Ask the question again, this time glancing at the card but still not fully acknowledging it. If she truly has something to hide, she’ll become increasingly agitated.
• Finally, to spark a confession, provide what FBI interrogators call a “face-saving scenario.” Say this: “I know we’ve been having problems, and I don’t blame you if you did this, but I just want the truth.” If she’s being perceived as a victim, she’ll be more likely to talk.
• Don’t be misled by . . . her denials. Those with a history of lying are good at it. Other people besides criminals are chronic liars. Don’t make the mistake of thinking everyone is honest.”
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