Many parents offer their children cash to make them behave appropriately, but experts warn that this strategy is not the best.
It is common to see parents promising their children one thing or the other – if they get good results in an examination, do their homework or house chores (at the right time). What is promised varies; toys, games, ice cream, and even cash. The list is endless.
In truth it is not unusual to hear a parent tell a child, “If you pass the examination I will buy you a bicycle.” Neither is it strange for a parent to promise the kids, “After you do your homework we’ll go and get ice cream.”
Dangerous strategy
Parental advisers and financial experts say such parents often make these promises to their kids in order to keep them in line. Such parents, they explain, do so believing that they are just rewarding or motivating the children to behave properly.
A child protection specialist and Consultant to UNICEF on Child Protection, Taiwo Akinlami, says to the extent that it is not bribe or all about money, it is okay for parents to reward their children every now and then.
“We talk to parents or custodians of children about the principle of ‘carrot and stick’. Now, if you want a child to do something. You can either use ‘carrot’ or ‘stick’. ‘Carrot’ is to encourage the child, while ‘stick’ is to discipline the child,” he says.
According to him, when parents reward the child, they are trying to use positive enforcement to tell the child to perform.
He adds, “The truth of the matter is that when you use positive enforcement, it has more positive impact on the child than when you use negative enforcement.”
However, while experts agree that parents have to device a way of rewarding and punishing their children for good and bad behaviour, respectively, they warn that care must be taken as this strategy can backfire, especially for parents who frequently use such rewards, particularly cash, as the main means of getting their kids to perform any function or get anything done.
They argue that while the promise of a cash reward may get children to do what is expected of them, it is, in essence, bribe and teaches them a bad financial lesson.
This is because instead of adopting the behaviour for which the reward is given as the right one, the child just adopts it for the sake of the reward. Once the reward is withdrawn, they are unlikely to sustain the behaviour. Experts add that by rewarding the child for what they should do as a duty or responsibility, they may develop a sense of entitlement or come to believe that they deserve something in return for every positive action they take even if it is the normal thing to do.
Consequences
For some parents, and with some kids, the consequence of this approach starts manifesting at an early age. Many parents have had to watch, embarrassed, as their children insist on a reward before running an errand for a family friend or relative.
Experts say the major consequence may manifest later in life when the child becomes an adult. At this stage, their sense of entitlement starts taking a toll on their finances. They frequently make comments like, “After a hard day’s job, I deserve this or that”, “Having met my target, I should get this or that,” and “Having been promoted, I need a new car or I have to organise a huge party,” etc. This is regardless of whether they can afford this or not; whether they need it or not. They just believe that they deserve a reward or some form of gratification for playing their expected role.
Akinlami says, “The foundational thing is that we shouldn’t bribe our children, it is not right.”
While advising parents to encourage and commend their children on the basis of what they have been asked to do that they have done well, Akinlami warns that, “If you spoil your children with money every day because you want them to behave well or for whatever reason you keep giving them money, they are going to believe that life rises and falls on the idea of getting money, which is not true.”
He adds, “I tell custodians of children – we work with parents and teachers – that, ‘Your child has to be disciplined’. ‘Your child cannot get ‘carrot’ all the time. You have to know how to combine ‘carrot’ with stick from time to time and ensure that you bring out the best in the child.”
Remedy
Apart from ensuring that there is a balance and that parents do not bribe their children, Akinlami says they can further ensure that their kids get it right by setting good examples.
This, he says, is because “children don’t do what you say, they do what you do. So, the financial life of the parent has direct impact on the children”.
“For example,” he adds, “when parents buy the things that are not necessary, whether they like it or not, children are copying them; because the best way that the children learn is by copying the parents.
“So, the best way parents can teach their children to be financially prudent is to ensure that whatever they model that is also what their children are going to pick up at the end of the day. If they are the type who buy things they don’t need or who buy things to please people, the child observes all those things and that will determine his/her future financially.”
Other experts, say parents can prevent their children from adopting the wrong financial mentality by desisting from giving them reward for doing the expected or exhibiting a behaviour that is considered normal.
Some parents even go as far as rewarding their children for eating their meal or for taking the plates to the kitchen. This should be avoided.
A time for everything
Despite the advice that parents should be careful about offering their kids cash rewards, experts say it is not wrong for parents to give their kids money. They explain that as children get older, parents need to start training them to understand how to use money – saving, spending, and investing.
In motivating a child, experts say parents ought to always take the behavior that they are encouraging into consideration. Are you encouraging your child to always strive to the right things or are you encouraging them to do things only when they are sure they will get a reward?
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